After All Is Said And Done
Excerpt from Chapter 25
An Uncompromising Christmas
Jessica stood in the hallway by the attic stairs, looking at the opening in the ceiling. “Did you find it?”
“Not yet,” Ethan called to her.
She slid her hands up and down her arms in an effort to take the chill away. When it didn’t work, she walked to the end of the hall and turned the knob on the thermostat until she heard a click.
With a huge groan, the old furnace kicked on.
She could hear the ceiling creaking above her with each step Ethan took. Suddenly, there was a big thud.
“Ow!”
“Are you all right?”
“I found it!” he answered.
A minute later, he appeared at the opening with the box, and began making his way down the steps. “Is that everything?”
Jessica surveyed the pile of Christmas decorations that now lined the hallway. “I think that’s it,” she answered, picking a cobweb out of his hair.
“Good, because it’s really cold up there.”
She stood back as he folded the stairs up and made them disappear into the ceiling.
The two of them then carried everything downstairs and into the living room.
Jessica sat down on the floor and began sorting through the cartons. It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and she wanted to get all the decorations put up beforehand, because Paul and Grace were coming over for dinner that day. Grace had volunteered to help her with the cooking, which in reality meant, that she would do everything and Jessica could watch.
This year, she and Ethan had decided to put the tree right in front of the French doors that led to the front patio. This way, it could be seen from the road. He had bought some lights this afternoon to put up outside. She couldn’t wait to see how everything looked when it was all finished.
Her brows furrowed together as she pulled out a string of lights. Every year she promised herself she would pack them away neatly, yet here they were, in one big, knotted glob.
“What would you liked for Christmas this year?”
She smiled as she worked on untangling the cords. “Surprise me.”
“All right. A toaster oven it is.”
Jessica giggled and turned around. “You know that Christmas falls on a Friday this year,” she said, hoping to take advantage of his good mood.
“Mmm-hmm,” he answered, straightening one of the tree’s artificial branches.
“Well, that gives us a long weekend, and I thought that maybe Gavin could have Ryan the Sunday after.” She cringed, waiting for his reply.
“No,” he said flatly.
“It would just be for one day. We would have him on Christmas Eve and Christmas,” she said, knowing that she was trying his patience.
“Look,” he said, standing up. “I don’t want Gavin to have him on Christmas weekend. That’s all there is to it.”
She dropped the lights and walked towards him. “You know, Ethan,” she said, playing with the chest hairs that were peeking out of the top of his shirt, “there could be an advantage to letting Gavin have him. We would be all alone.”
He pushed her hand away. “Don’t patronize me.”
“Why do you always have to be so difficult?” she snapped, hurt by his sudden rejection.
“Why do you even have to ask when it comes to Gavin?”
She crossed her arms. “Ethan, I am so tired of arguing with you over Gavin seeing him.”
“I agreed to let him see him every Thursday, didn’t I? That was the agreement. I don’t think I’m the one being difficult.”
“Tell me something. What’s the difference if he sees him on Thursday, or the holidays?”
“There is no difference, Jessica,” he said through clenched teeth. “The point is that I don’t want Gavin spending any more time with him than he already does. And if I had my way, he wouldn’t be seeing him at all.”
“So that’s it? The mighty Ethan has spoken,” she said sarcastically. “I think I should be allowed to have a say in this.”
He let the branch fall back into the box. “Meaning, that since I’m not his father, I shouldn’t be making any decisions where he’s concerned.”
“That is not what I meant, and you know it,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“That’s not the way it sounded.”
“Look, Ethan. You don’t know how much I wish that Ryan were your son. I know that all of this has been very painful for you, and I’m sorry. But you’re just going to have to learn to deal with it, because it’s never going to get any easier for you if you don’t.”
“Well, I’m sorry if I just can’t quite come to terms with the fact that you had another man’s baby!”
Feeling her face flush with anger, she turned and walked out of the room.
Ethan followed her. “Or would you rather I deal with it the way you did for nine months, and just pretend everything’s fine!”
She walked up the stairs, pretending not to hear him.
“Is that what you want?” he shouted after her. “Is it?”
Jessica made her way into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. This was supposed to have been a fun night. She hadn’t meant to get into an argument with him.
When she came out, Ethan was sitting on the bed, looking contrite. “Jess, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things to you,” he said softly.
She sat down next to him and sighed. “Ethan, we can’t keep doing this. I hate fighting with you.”
He let himself fall backwards on the bed. “Why can’t we just keep things the way they are?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.
She looked over her shoulder at him. “Because it’s not working. Every time Gavin comes to pick him up, or bring him home, you get angry.”
“I just can’t pretend that this is normal. What’s going to happen when Ryan turns five or six and starts to wonder why this other man is spending time with him?”
“I don’t know,” she answered quietly. “We’re just going to have to deal with it when the time comes.”
He suddenly sat up and clenched his jaw. “What’s he going to call himself? Uncle Gavin?”
“Ethan—”
He got to his feet and stalked out.
Jessica remained on the bed. After a few moments, she heard him slam the kitchen cabinet.
She made her way down to the living room. She stared at the half-put together tree and felt the enthusiasm for tonight fading quickly.
Her eyes rested upon a small paper sack on the coffee table. She leaned forward and opened it, knowing what it was. Pulling out the ornament, she turned it over carefully in her hands. Two white Persian cats sat under a Christmas tree in a background of red. One had a black bow tied around its neck, while the other one had long, beautiful eyelashes. ‘Our third Christmas together’, was written in cursive on the other side of it, along with the date. She already had the first and second year ornaments from the last two Christmases and had bought this a few weeks ago.
She went over and hung it on the tree, but it did nothing to lift the darkness that had settled in the house.
“Not yet,” Ethan called to her.
She slid her hands up and down her arms in an effort to take the chill away. When it didn’t work, she walked to the end of the hall and turned the knob on the thermostat until she heard a click.
With a huge groan, the old furnace kicked on.
She could hear the ceiling creaking above her with each step Ethan took. Suddenly, there was a big thud.
“Ow!”
“Are you all right?”
“I found it!” he answered.
A minute later, he appeared at the opening with the box, and began making his way down the steps. “Is that everything?”
Jessica surveyed the pile of Christmas decorations that now lined the hallway. “I think that’s it,” she answered, picking a cobweb out of his hair.
“Good, because it’s really cold up there.”
She stood back as he folded the stairs up and made them disappear into the ceiling.
The two of them then carried everything downstairs and into the living room.
Jessica sat down on the floor and began sorting through the cartons. It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and she wanted to get all the decorations put up beforehand, because Paul and Grace were coming over for dinner that day. Grace had volunteered to help her with the cooking, which in reality meant, that she would do everything and Jessica could watch.
This year, she and Ethan had decided to put the tree right in front of the French doors that led to the front patio. This way, it could be seen from the road. He had bought some lights this afternoon to put up outside. She couldn’t wait to see how everything looked when it was all finished.
Her brows furrowed together as she pulled out a string of lights. Every year she promised herself she would pack them away neatly, yet here they were, in one big, knotted glob.
“What would you liked for Christmas this year?”
She smiled as she worked on untangling the cords. “Surprise me.”
“All right. A toaster oven it is.”
Jessica giggled and turned around. “You know that Christmas falls on a Friday this year,” she said, hoping to take advantage of his good mood.
“Mmm-hmm,” he answered, straightening one of the tree’s artificial branches.
“Well, that gives us a long weekend, and I thought that maybe Gavin could have Ryan the Sunday after.” She cringed, waiting for his reply.
“No,” he said flatly.
“It would just be for one day. We would have him on Christmas Eve and Christmas,” she said, knowing that she was trying his patience.
“Look,” he said, standing up. “I don’t want Gavin to have him on Christmas weekend. That’s all there is to it.”
She dropped the lights and walked towards him. “You know, Ethan,” she said, playing with the chest hairs that were peeking out of the top of his shirt, “there could be an advantage to letting Gavin have him. We would be all alone.”
He pushed her hand away. “Don’t patronize me.”
“Why do you always have to be so difficult?” she snapped, hurt by his sudden rejection.
“Why do you even have to ask when it comes to Gavin?”
She crossed her arms. “Ethan, I am so tired of arguing with you over Gavin seeing him.”
“I agreed to let him see him every Thursday, didn’t I? That was the agreement. I don’t think I’m the one being difficult.”
“Tell me something. What’s the difference if he sees him on Thursday, or the holidays?”
“There is no difference, Jessica,” he said through clenched teeth. “The point is that I don’t want Gavin spending any more time with him than he already does. And if I had my way, he wouldn’t be seeing him at all.”
“So that’s it? The mighty Ethan has spoken,” she said sarcastically. “I think I should be allowed to have a say in this.”
He let the branch fall back into the box. “Meaning, that since I’m not his father, I shouldn’t be making any decisions where he’s concerned.”
“That is not what I meant, and you know it,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“That’s not the way it sounded.”
“Look, Ethan. You don’t know how much I wish that Ryan were your son. I know that all of this has been very painful for you, and I’m sorry. But you’re just going to have to learn to deal with it, because it’s never going to get any easier for you if you don’t.”
“Well, I’m sorry if I just can’t quite come to terms with the fact that you had another man’s baby!”
Feeling her face flush with anger, she turned and walked out of the room.
Ethan followed her. “Or would you rather I deal with it the way you did for nine months, and just pretend everything’s fine!”
She walked up the stairs, pretending not to hear him.
“Is that what you want?” he shouted after her. “Is it?”
Jessica made her way into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. This was supposed to have been a fun night. She hadn’t meant to get into an argument with him.
When she came out, Ethan was sitting on the bed, looking contrite. “Jess, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things to you,” he said softly.
She sat down next to him and sighed. “Ethan, we can’t keep doing this. I hate fighting with you.”
He let himself fall backwards on the bed. “Why can’t we just keep things the way they are?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.
She looked over her shoulder at him. “Because it’s not working. Every time Gavin comes to pick him up, or bring him home, you get angry.”
“I just can’t pretend that this is normal. What’s going to happen when Ryan turns five or six and starts to wonder why this other man is spending time with him?”
“I don’t know,” she answered quietly. “We’re just going to have to deal with it when the time comes.”
He suddenly sat up and clenched his jaw. “What’s he going to call himself? Uncle Gavin?”
“Ethan—”
He got to his feet and stalked out.
Jessica remained on the bed. After a few moments, she heard him slam the kitchen cabinet.
She made her way down to the living room. She stared at the half-put together tree and felt the enthusiasm for tonight fading quickly.
Her eyes rested upon a small paper sack on the coffee table. She leaned forward and opened it, knowing what it was. Pulling out the ornament, she turned it over carefully in her hands. Two white Persian cats sat under a Christmas tree in a background of red. One had a black bow tied around its neck, while the other one had long, beautiful eyelashes. ‘Our third Christmas together’, was written in cursive on the other side of it, along with the date. She already had the first and second year ornaments from the last two Christmases and had bought this a few weeks ago.
She went over and hung it on the tree, but it did nothing to lift the darkness that had settled in the house.